EPS 52 - Single and Struggling?

In this episode Jerry talks about being single and alone and struggling financially what can you do? He offers some practical steps to help move you forward from the basics like taking stock of your financial situation and personal capabilities and skills, to developing necessary documents like a simple Letter of Instruction to help locate accounts, friends and relatives. Additionally he gives some ideas of ways to think about improving your life by vocational training, education, and using your personal skills to make money. Stability and control is key. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

The following podcast is for education and entertainment purposes only. Remember to see competent tax, legal, and investment advice that is unique to your personal situation. Hey everybody, and welcome to the Peak Money Podcast. I'm your host, Jerry Williams. We talk about all things related to money from a queer perspective. And first, welcome to 2026. So I hope everybody had a great 2025. And even if you didn't, we're here 2026 to make things right and do better, right? That's all we can do. But you know what? The what's been on my mind recently is I was watching a video on YouTube, and it was this 28-year-old guy, and he was complaining about the high cost of everything. And he was saying that he's really struggling, and he finds it so difficult to even go to the grocery school, grocery store, because he was saying, even if I reduce my grocery bill just or you know down to the bare minimum, he said, like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He's like, you go to the store, you buy bread, you buy jelly, you buy peanut butter, and it's 18 bucks. And it's just super expensive. And he was saying, you know, I really don't know what to do, and I wonder what everybody else is doing to fight these high costs or just deal with it. And you know what? I used to take these kind of calls and deal with these kind of people all the time. And I know that sounds kind of mean, but what I'm saying is everybody needs a helping hand from time to time, and you all need good advice from time to time. And when you look for help and you need help, you know, you go out and seek the best advice and guidance you can. And oftentimes, you know, asking friends, family, etc. may not be the best option, but it could be a good option. Hard to say, right? Depends on their level of knowledge and how good their advice is. And anyway, I think good advice, no matter where you get it, is always going to be good advice. And if this person were talking to me, you know, I think the first thing that I would tell him in this case is you need to really take stock of your entire situation. It's a good idea to just sit back in a calm manner and just start really assessing where you're at. Meaning, take a look at all your money, all your debts, you know, where you're at financially overall with your income, and just lay it out. Same thing with you personally, meaning look at your job skills, your abilities, you know, things that you're really good at, things you want to improve on, whatever it is. Just lay it all out so that you have a good overall lay of the land. And then from there, you really need to figure out what you want. So there's needs and there's wants, right? So we know that we need a roof over our head, we need to pay our bills, and we need to provide for ourselves, and all those things are extremely important. And healthcare, you know, of course, sometimes gets overlooked because we're like, I just can't afford it. And I 100% understand that. And it really depends where you are in life, right? Because if you're single, you're healthy, it's something you don't want to spend a lot of money in, and I get that. But you probably at least want to explore what kind of health care that you can get today, given your circumstances. Let's say you really don't make much money at all. Well, go into the healthcare marketplace is a starting point because you can figure out what kind of assistance you may be able to receive, what you're eligible for. Now, I know that there's been a lot of talk about pullback for these subsidies from the government, etc. That being all aside, don't listen to that and let it prevent you from doing what you need to do and getting the information that you need. So who knows what's really happening and what can happen and where they're at with all that. So all I'm saying is I would go to the healthcare.gov and I would search out again the best plan I could get for myself. Because those kind of situations that when you get knocked off your feet due to some illness or you know, something happens to you, you break your leg, whatever it is, that may be a situation that prevents you from your income, right? If you can't go to work because you got a broken leg, let's say whatever you do, then that's gonna be harmful. You know, if you're a dog walker and you can't walk dogs, then that's gonna be a problem. So, nevertheless, you want to start with the basics and again just really figure out where you're at. And if you know that you need to build an emergency fund for yourself because you have no cash, okay, make that one of your goals. If you know that the income you're receiving or lack thereof is one of the most important things you need to address, then get to it. Because when you're looking at your income, of course, you have to decide do I need a full-time job, a part-time job, or do I need more education? And I would say often you probably need more education, not in the sense that should I go get a four-year degree? No, that's not always the case, right? I think everybody hopefully knows that at this point. It can be helpful, it can be useful, it may even be required, depending on the type of job that you are trying to get. But that may be down the road. So for your immediate needs, I would think that the most important thing is to get yourself stabilized. And that would be again covering the basics. So, again, the roof over your head, the food in your stomach, those are important things. So you need to figure out your housing situation and look at again how you can draw the most income immediately and down the road. So immediately you can do a lot of different things depending on your skill sets, right? I'll tell you just uh one story. I used to work with this guy, and he and I worked together for you know several years. But anyway, one thing he told me, he said, you know, when I was in college and I was trying to make money, he said, I started washing windows. And he said it was just easy, quick money. I got myself a bucket and squeegee, etc., and he started, you know, knocking on doors and getting some customers. And he said, to this day, I still do that on the weekends, that I still go and wash windows. He said I mostly do residential residences, but I also do a few businesses, and he has his steady customers. And he told me, you know, just the basics of how it works. But anyway, that my point being here is he said, even at his age, and I believe he was in his I think he was probably in his late 40s anyway, and he was still doing it because the money was good, and he didn't find it difficult for him to do, and it was an income that he came to rely on. And he even told me when I retire, this is going to be my full-time business. And I've even gotten to the point that I do more luxury homes now versus, you know, I did anybody's home at initially. And he said that I even have branched out and I started doing things like offering shutters. So my point here is that you really have to really figure out what you're capable and able to do. And there are some things that you could do rather quickly and fairly easily. Doesn't mean it's going to be the easiest thing, right? It but if you're a writer, then write some stories. You know, if you're an organizer, then sell those skills. There's plenty of situations where people need help getting their act together. Maybe they're I hate to say it, but maybe they're a hoar, right? Maybe they're just hopelessly disorganized and you're really good at that, then step in and offer those services, charge accordingly. You can clean houses, you can become a janitor, maintenance worker, handyman, all kinds of things. So it really again is something you need to figure out. Someone like me, like when I just told you that story about washing windows, that's may seem like it's an option, but it may not be. So for you, you have to really take stock of what you can do. There are plenty of gigs out there, everybody knows you can try for Uber and Lyft, and you can do DoorDash and all those kind of things. Yeah, I don't know how reliable your car is, and that's again something you figure out. If transportation is an issue, then it is what it is, right? You may not be able to do that. Maybe you could rent a car, right? That may be an option. So you have to really not give up on the things that could help you. And I know that oftentimes when I spoke with older people, and they would come and just be distraught because they were by themselves and their income was stretched beyond their means, and they were extremely worried about what they were going to do. And I would hear all kinds of stories. I would tell them just what I'm telling you. There has to be something that you can do, a skill, a service that you can offer that you can make money at. You really, really have to think about it. I mean, maybe you're good at cooking, baking, make cookies, you know, sell muffins. There's uh you can go anywhere and see people selling tamales, tacos, they're everywhere. So maybe you make cakes, whatever it is, there's things that you can do that you really have to start thinking about that may be a moneymaker for you. So put some thought into it. And just because you can't really, let's say, afford a full-blown business like a bakery, that is okay. If you start out of your kitchen, that is okay. Sell first to friends, family, neighbors, and continue on, right? Just do what you gotta do because you have to bring in some income that is uh essentially steady enough that we it will support you. So enough said about that. The other thing that I would recommend is uh if let's say maybe college is not for you, you don't want to do that, maybe you dropped out of college, that's okay too. What you need to do then is figure out what is gonna be stable for me going forward. And maybe it's being a plumber, maybe it's HVAC work, you know, maybe it's an electrician. So there are plenty of blue-collar jobs out there that are in high demand. If you're a mechanic, you're a diesel mechanic, those are job skills that I don't think are gonna go away anytime soon because there's millions and millions of cars on the road and they're becoming more specialized all the time. I mean, I met a guy, he was a mechanic for those big 18-wheeler trucks, and he made really good money. And he told me he was working for this guy, he was a jerk, he quit, and he said he got a job like within a day of this other place that he was excited to go to work for because he was going to learn even more. And we talked a little bit about him starting his own business, and he said, you know, I could do it. He said, I probably need about$20,000 to start my business, which, you know, in the grand scheme of things isn't really a lot of money. And I mean, you could even probably go get a small business loan to start that up. But anyway, you know, if he's making that good money, maybe he's it's he could save up 20 grand easily. But what he'd really told me is that he was going to go to work for this guy because there was more he could learn from him. So being an apprentice is a good way often to hone your skills and to really figure out what you're good at and to find that niche in the market that you can take advantage of. So there's just if opportunity out there, even though it's hard to see. And sometimes when you're in that place of darkness and nothing seems to work, and you really are desperate about your situation, you need to kind of pull yourself out of that. And that may seem very super simplistic, but it is something that you really 100% have to do because you really are the only person who you can truly rely on in the sense that no one knows you better than you know yourself. So there are your friends and family who may say, you know what, you're really good at drawing, or you're really good at working with kids, or you you're really good at, you know, I don't know, whatever it is, then take that good advice, listen to it, and figure out a way to um leverage whatever you're good at into something that you can charge for. You know, you can babysit, you can become a child care provider or a nanny or a new pair, whatever it is. So I'm just saying, you can walk dogs if you're capable. Again, maybe you can write stories, maybe you can draw, maybe you can, you know, help people with their computers, whatever it is. The second thing, like I said, is really think long and hard about enrolling in maybe community college, or I would say at least that, or some kind of vocational program. It may take a year, maybe take two years, maybe even longer, I don't know. But it's never gonna happen if you don't start. And start looking into your community college and figuring out what kind of programs programs do they offer. I know that a lot of community colleges colleges now are free, or again, they are relatively inexpensive. So even if you get a student loan for a community college, I mean I would think that$4,000, maybe$5,000 would probably pay for a whole year's worth of tuition, depending on again your program. But maybe you want to become a nurse, okay? There's a great career. Healthcare, it could, it's that's kind of endless. There's all sorts of needs for that, especially if you want to work with maybe elderly people, long-term care, maybe you want to be some kind of in-home nurse for people. Uh, maybe you do physical therapy. Oh, there's just tons and tons of that kind of need. And as people get older, there's going to be an increased demand for people who can help older people. And I even hate to say it, but you know, if you're capable of going into someone's house and giving them a bath, that may be. I know that when my grandmother was alive, she lived to be like 96, but there was a point that we had to bring someone in the house. And we ended up bringing a friend of mine who was in between jobs, and he said, Yeah, I'll come down, I'll help her out. I'll, you know, that sounds like a great gig to me, because he got free room and board, free food, and he didn't have really any expenses except for his personal ones. So he ended up coming in the house and we paid him, and the extended family also chipped in to pay for this care. And it was really a godsend because he was able to provide that kind of assistance that my mother and the others in the family weren't able to do. Because, you know, if you're young and you're healthy, you know, you're capable of lifting someone that maybe an older person can't. I know that my mom one time she was trying to bathe my mother and they both fell in the tub. Not a good idea. Anyway, so there is a need for things like that. And I knew another older lady of a good friend of mine, her mother, ended up taking a job with a very wealthy older man who his family wasn't able to care for him. They didn't abandon him, but they weren't able to provide that in-home care that he really needed. So essentially, I'm saying 24-hour care. So he hired her, she lived in his home, and he was a handful, and she administered his medicines to him. She took him to his appointments. She was his 100% personal aid. And he paid her very well. She lived with him, but she didn't mind. She was all by herself. Um, her and her husband had split up, and her home, she could just leave it. It wasn't that it wasn't a big problem for her. And again, all of her expenses were covered. So that is something that maybe you could do. I don't know. I'm just saying there are things out there that you can do that maybe you really haven't thought of, and you need to kind of look around and see some of the options that are right in front of you. They may not be as apparent as, hey, we need somebody to paint a house, but they do exist and you need to uncover them. So you can ask around. So once you get yourself stabilized and you got some money coming in, and you now have figured out, let's say, I want to become an electrician, then you've enrolled in community college and you start yourself down that path. So now that you have yourself stabilized, then you can deal with whatever little money I have coming in and use that to your advantage as well. Does that mean you can live on your own? I would say most likely not. It mostly means probably that you're gonna need to take a room somewhere. If you really want some privacy, privacy, or you're gonna live with roommates, you might have to double, triple up. That's just the reality. If you live in New York City, that's not gonna be uncommon to have multiple roommates. I know that years and years ago, when I went to go live in LA for a while, I ended up living with three girls. I mean, of course, they knew I was gay, so that was not a problem. And it was even it was a difficult time, I'll tell you that. Living with three women was very challenging, especially when you had two of them that hated each other. And that was a story in and of itself in and of itself. But it was difficult, but it was just temporary, and I knew that it would just get me by for a short period of time, and it was helpful to them because they wanted to split the rent four ways because it just made it cheaper for everybody. And I know that one of the girls, she was a bartender at a private nightclub in Beverly Hills, and she said she told me one time, hey, you know what? Someone so-and-so quit. We really need someone to fill in for her, and you know, do you think you could do it? And I said, Well, I guess I could. I said, you know, I have a little bit of experience bartending, and I meant little, I mean me doing it on my own, but you know, in my house. But I said, I guess I could. You know, so she got me hired into this place, it was not very big. And what I was supposed to do was bartend, like I said, but they put me upstairs in this place all by myself. And she gave me like this five-minute run-through of all the drinks. Charge this, charge that, charge this, charge that. It just went in one ear and went out the other. And I could barely remember. And they showed me again like two minutes on the cash register, you know, etc. etc. And I just thought, well, I'll just do what you know, the best I can do. Next thing you know, I'm up there all by myself for like an hour and a half, etc. No one's coming. I'm like, Well, this is easy, nobody's here. Come around eleven o'clock. That place was flooded and it was packed. And the music was just blaring. And people were all around this little rinky dink bar, and everybody's waving their money and calling for shots and drinks, etc. etc. And I was going everywhere back and forth. I could do the easy drinks, right? Like Gin and Tonic and you know, uh rum and coke, etc. Those were super easy. But if people wanted a Long Island, you know, I would just kind of make it up. And if people needed shots, I could give you like a shot of uh Jaegermeister, but if you want something crazy, I made it up. And the prices, everything was 10 bucks. Everything. And I never told people, but I just said I'd look at all the drinks I just made and I'd go, okay, 60 bucks. And they would just pay and tip because it was easy. And nobody said anything. Nobody. Only one time did one guy ever come up and he said, Hey, I bought this beer downstairs and it was seven bucks. I came up here and it's 10. How come you know, why is it more expensive up here? And I said, Welcome to Beverly Hills. And that was the end of it. And I went about my business, and that was the only time anybody caught on. Later I remember that when they were, you know, taking stock and you know, at the end of the night, they're counting the money and everything. And I remember the manager, she was like, I don't know how you do it. She's like, That place has never made any money. I don't understand how you made so much money upstairs. I'm like, it was really crowded, it was super crowded. And I never said anything else. Eventually I quit because the owner was a 100% dick. He just was an awful, awful person. And yeah, I remember he uh punched his girlfriend who was managing the bar one time right in the face, you know, after hours and knocked her out. And I was like, that's enough, that's enough for me. He can just go, you know, F himself. I don't care about him. Anyway, off that's kind of off topic. But anyway, my whole point is that there's a lot of things you can do, as I said, and you gotta figure out what you're gonna be good at and uh try to find a career that you can make some real good money at and start today, you know, get yourself on the right track and quit whining and complaining and start moving forward. And those are the best things that you could do. With that aside, let me just say quickly too. Now, if you're single, you're living alone, I've probably mentioned this I don't know how many times, but you also really need to, in my mind, do some simple things. Okay, you need to have a will and a letter of instruction at a bare bones minimum. So what that means is you need to write something that if the sheriff were to come in your house and or anybody, if they can't find you at your job or somebody comes looking for you in a welfare check and you're dead on the bed, then they need to know who you are and what to do with your body and what to do with your things. So you would generally point them to a will. Where is the will? I don't know. Where did you put it? Even if it's just just a simple handwritten will, dated, signed, tell them where it's at, under my pillow, under the bed, with my neighbor, I don't know, wherever it's at. You know, hopefully it's not just left in your computer because nobody's gonna probably find it, and it's certainly probably not gonna be signed, so that's kind of pointless. So you really need to put it in a real print it out, date it, sign it, and put it in a place. Put it in an envelope where someone can find it. If you're reading this, obviously there's a problem, right? So point him to any friends and family that you have. If you have no immediate family, no mom, dad, sister, brother, then somebody, niece, nephew, there has to be somebody in your life, you know, that's related to you somehow, some way. But if nothing else, again, beyond that, you point them to your best friend. You know, who are the people that you go out with? Who are the people that know you? You know, point to them and tell them, I want to be cremated, I don't care what happens to my body, but I don't want to be buried. Okay, perfectly fine. Most people who are found alone and they can't find any next to kin, then that's what typically the sheriff is gonna do. So your body's gonna sit in the morgue for 30, 60 days until somebody claims your body, and if no one comes forward, then sheriff takes over and eventually the state takes over, and they're gonna dispose of your body typically by cremation and dispose of your ass or your ashes in a shared grave, or they'll you know, throw them in the wind wherever they can do that. And that's just the reality, right? It's just gonna be that's the way it is, and all your things, they will probably inventory all them. It'll go into the probate court, they'll appoint some kind of plan administrator or personal representative, and they will inventory all your assets and sell them or you know, give them away, donate them, and then they once they make sure all your debts are paid, whatever's left over will hopefully go to somebody that they can find in your family who's related next if you can. It again, worst case scenario, they can't find anybody, then it just it's cheats. It goes to the state. I don't know. Do you really want to give your money to the state? I mean, you could give it to any charity and they would be grateful, right? If you have a car, you know, then they can dispose of it and then they could use that money. Give it to, you know, the Humane Society, whatever. There's plenty of charities, like I said, that you could help, and the state doesn't need your help. So when you die without a will, you die in test date. So you don't want to do that. And this message is for everybody. I don't care if you're single, married, divorced, whatever your situation is, you need to have a will. It changes, right? It can change, probably will. You know, maybe you do want all your assets to go to your ex, even though you guys hate each other. I don't know. If you've left it that way, it is what it is. Maybe though you're dating, you have a girlfriend, boyfriend, but if you never made provisions in your will, they are not going to get anything from your estate, right? They won't get that cherished baseball, they won't get that coat that was left to you by your sister, whatever it is, that painting that you really cherish from grandma, all those things will they won't go to anybody. Now, yeah, so if they go into your house, your best friend, looking for you, and they find you dead on the bed, then they might take your jewelry, right? It's hard to say. But, you know, again, I have another story where unfortunately a friend of mine passed away, and this again was years and years ago, but his mother hadn't heard from him, and so she contacted his best friend. She said, Hey, can you go check on him? He went and he had to get in through the patio door, and there he was. There he was. And I hear stories about this all the time. But anyway, and he'd been there for three days. It's terrible. But anyway, my point here again is you need to make provisions for what happens to you if you're there all by yourself and someone has to come in and find you. You know, you want to give them a heads up what to do, where to find things, what kind of assets do you have, what kind of bank accounts, investment accounts, all that good stuff. Just lay it out for people so they know. And I'm not saying for everybody, of course not. I'm saying if the sheriff comes in, your best friend comes in, your parents come in, and then of course, what are they gonna find? Right? If you have things you'd rather not, you know, have your mother see, then take care of them ahead of time. You know, if you have a best friend, tell them, hey, I've got this black box, get rid of it before my mom comes in. Hopefully you have that opportunity. But if not, you know, it is what it is. They're gonna find what they find. And hopefully you're not gonna be, well, you're dead, you're not gonna be embarrassed anymore. But do you really want them to find things like that? Did you rather not they find? So think ahead to the greatest degree you can. And make those provisions because it's important. And beyond that, you have your will, but what happens if you're incapacitated? Then you need a healthcare power of attorney, you need a living will. So if you know they do find you unresponsive or you're in an auto accident and you're unresponsive, you're in a coma, what do they do? You know, what happens if you're on life support and you have no more brain activity and they need to pull the plug and they're deciding whether to do it or not? Is it okay? Is it not okay? Should they wait? How long? Help them. Help them because they don't know, they don't know what your wishes are, and you want to make it easy on people. Don't leave these difficult decisions for them. That's unfair. And they should have at least some working knowledge of what you want. So it's always best to lay this out and plan ahead because it just makes life simpler. And if you're listening to this and you're like, I don't have the money to create a will, I don't have the money. There's so many documents that are available online for free. So just take the 10, 20, 30 minutes, whatever it is, and and do it today. I mean, it's not hard. It really isn't. It's super easy. And once you get those together and you've done them and you set them aside in the right place, and someone could find them, like a letter of instruction, just write on it. Letter of instruction. Hallelujah. Someone's gonna find that and be so grateful to you. So it's just time to lay the basics out and deal with them because it gives you peace of mind. And then as you continue to move forward, and now let's say you're stable, you've got a great job, and you're not worried about money like you were anymore, then yeah, you could set your other financial goals, and maybe your emergency emergency fund is all taken care of, you don't really carry much debt, and you've already done your estate planning and it's in good shape, and you've already created your letter of instruction and all that good stuff, then you can start looking ahead to your retirement. You can start looking ahead to, well, you know what? What if I can no longer work? Wonder if something happens to me and physically happens to me and I can't do what I do anymore. Then disability insurance is a great thing to have. Short-term, long-term, you know, if you can afford it, the sooner you get it, the younger you are, the healthier you are, it's relatively inexpensive. Make sure that's in place for yourself. I remember plenty of times when people would buy long-term care insurance that obviously they didn't need it at the time, but they had the capability and the foresight to put it in place because, again, younger, healthier, cheaper. So long-term care insurance, because at the time that you may need it, I believe the statistics are 40% of the people between I believe it's 40 to 60, something like that, uh they're using long-term care insurance. So long-term care, again, is something that almost everybody would be that would be happy to have when they need it. Because again, it can have you keep the standard of living that you've grown accustomed to. And you can do something like bring someone into your house and not deplete all of your assets. If you're married, same exact thing. If you're taking care of your husband, you're taking care of your wife, and them some situation befalls them, then you long-term care is going to be very helpful. I know my sister's father-in-law got ALS, Luke Garrick's disease, and it was a very unfortunate situation. He was still relatively young. I think he was in his late 50s, and uh within a year. Within a year, he went to being, you know, upright, healthy, normal, to being bedridden, curled in a ball, and he died shortly thereafter. Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible disease, but very expensive one as well. So health care is going to be extremely important. And to have something like long-term care insurance, especially when you're going down that road and you become incapacitated, and your poor family is left trying to care for you and your siblings, your parents, you know, maybe your girlfriend, boyfriend, whomever, they are struggling because they've done the best that they they can do themselves and they need some help. Then being able to bring someone in to help dress you, bathe you, toilet you, you know, help you go from here to there, you know, deal with your incontinence, all those things are so important. And to be able to afford those things keeps, again, your level of dignity and helps you maintain peace of mind for you and for your family because the stress has been alleviated, at least to a significant degree. So those are just some top of mind things, and I don't want to beat this. I hate sounding preachy because I really dislike that, but I'm really trying to just impart some helpful tips that I think are useful. And if you're in this situation of I don't know what to do, then take some of these things to heart and really look into again your personal life and take stock of where you're at and really assess, realistically assess where you're at. And if it is, I just need more income, then think out of the box, think about what skill set you have, and utilize those skills and leverage them to the greatest degree that you can and start making money off of them until your long-term plan kicks in. So there you go. I feel like I've said a lot. I hope that this has been useful. And anybody and everybody, if you feel like this information is useful to you, it may be useful to others. So what I hope is that this podcast continues to grow, and it will grow if you share it with others and you tell other people about it. You can go online to pinkmoneypodcast.com. There's the QR code that you can easily share with somebody. I believe it's on the about page, but you know, you can easily share that with anybody that you want. And I think that if nothing else, I hope that it's useful because that's the whole point. My goal, my mission is to help educate, enlighten, and empower the specifically the LGBTQ plus community. But if other people are listening to this and you don't necessarily fall under that big umbrella of the rainbow, that is okay. Because good advice is good advice nowhere, no matter where it comes from. And I hope you found it useful, and I hope that this new year is the best year that you've had so far. So take care, and I will talk to you next time.